#restriction tw

[interstellarstorms]

I’m gonna vent about restricting food but it’s due to a colonoscopy tomorrow, not for ED purposes. Still tagging #restriction tw and this plus similar vents will be under a cut.

Just know that this isn’t me relapsing at all and I have no intentions of relapse ❤️

I’m already weak from not eating and I had food at 7:30 pm last night so I still have until about 2 pm tomorrow (after my procedure) when I get to eat.

[dosagelamb]

What really triggered me to come back here is something my father said to me a few weeks ago. (I literally hate my father and he’s a terrible person so he didn’t say this bc he was curious or whatever, he said it to hurt me)

He pulled me aside and asked if he could ask me something without me getting offended. Then he asked if I was pregnant and told me I’d gained a lot of weight recently. I just went to my room and cried because he was right but I don’t think any father should say that to his daughter, ever.

So I’m back to restricting! :) how fun

[saddi3grl]

[whoreishghost]

i am like Not able to eat basically at all rn and this has beem ongoing for like 3-4 ish weeks now. in the first 2 weeks i cld eat a bit more but still like rlly way way too little and when i had my adhd review i was pretty surprised i had acc gained a bit of weight so i just sort of brushed off the not eating as me misremembering how much ive eaten. but now i like, am basically on a liquid only diet (and i cant drink anything thicker ? ig than like a diet coke bc that also makes me feel sick, tried having a milkshake at one point and i felt soooooo bad) bc 1 i like just dont get hungry at all, and 2 even if i feel ig the closest thing to describe wld be peckish (like im craving a specific flavour or texture) by the time i start eating it i rlly rlly do not want to be and its like, u know when ur so full its like hard to chew and u just want to spit the food out? like that. ive been trying very hard to like force myself thru this by like letting myself eat and buy whatever food i want at literally any time of day bc while it is expensive ive lost kind of a lot of weight v quickly (tw ed: this is about as much as id lose in a month whilst restricting v heavily in just under than 2 weeks). its worked to a degree but honestly im mostly just wasting food and honestly money, and whenever i do manage to eat a bit, itll be like 1 small size serving of poke (currently the only food that has been tolerated even slightly, ig maybe bc it has a "fresh" flavour? idk) eaten over the course or 5-6 hours bc i cldnt eat it faster than that which even then was not rlly tolerated bc i felt fucking disgusting physically, and then basically anything else (eg a genuinely really nice tasting stew my wife made, a mozzarella and avocado sandwich, just an avocado w salt, pasta, etc) makes me so nauseous and uncomfortable that i have to go force myself to throw up right after ive eaten to not literally be in hell for like 8-9 hours (i have an extremely low tolerance for managing nausea and the amazing ability to basically never throw up ever by myself hence the "forcing myself" which yes bad but also i refuse to be regurgitating and getting acid reflux whilst in pain for that whole day because i tried to eat smthn). i originally thought it was probably psychological bc ive been doing v v badly and to a degree it is (i cba to cook or eat rlly) but even when i have the food to eat i cant do it then either? idrk what to do, i have brought it up to drs multiple times who just tell me its poor mental health management and imply i need to ig "try harder". theres also the fact that it is v triggering for my disordered eating brain bc i am unintentionally restricting a lot and i am losing a lot of weight and its been v difficult not to just spiral down that sort of thought process into just not eating at all. feeling kind of like this is either gna randomly stop at some point and itll just be a confusing period of my life or im going to get v v unwell without support and be blamed for it

[complicit-rot]

.

my eating problems: while you were 11-13, your ex who was grooming you told you to stay thin to stay child-like so i'm not gonna let you eat

me: ok

my eating problems: your stomach can't handle anything ever everything is rough on it and it always hurts whenever you eat

me: ok

my eating problems: your babysitter shoved peas & green beans down your throat as you were vomiting so looking at & smelling them makes you want to throw up

me: ok

my eating problems: i can't handle the taste & texture & smell of 90% of food

me: ok

my eating problems: there's mold in everything you eat

me: what the fuck. i have to do something about this

[justemithings]

”did you know diet coke is actually worse than-“ I DO NOT CARE. I. DO. NOT. GIVE. A. FUCK. GIVE ME MY DAMN DIET COKE.

[lolalagoon]

fasting gives me sm confidence, i feel so cute and pretty when my stomach is empty

[wanttobeh3r]

Every pound I lose is like shedding a layer of everything I hate about myself.

[twfragileforever]

"your hair will fall out!" I DONT CARE.

"you're gonna smell bad!" I DONT CARE.

"you'll get headaches all the time!" I DONT CARE.

"diet coke is so bad for you!" I DONT CARE.

I DONT CARE.

I JUST WANT TO BE SK1NNY.

[beatrixx1212]

i want to look how i look when i suck in

[saddi3grl]

[dollsiescale]

🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg

[aliendietcoke]

for my girlies who struggle with binging

[deadtobeloved]

Mealspo

[hung3rpa1nz]

food is so dumb like i honestly dont even need it

and its all so oily and sugary and disgusting like how do people eat that stuff without feeling ill

[wanttobeh3r]

When I see that number on the scale going down, it's like nothing else matters. Not the hunger, not the pain. Just that moment of triumph.

I crave it. I crave it more than food, more than anything. It feels like freedom, like I'm finally escaping from all the weight that's been holding me down.